2021 you were a shell shock of a year. You pushed me beyond every limit possible. You broke me. Again and again and again. You nearly killed Me. BUT you showed me how strong I Am. You pushed me to do hard work in healing, you helped me grow into who I am today. You taught me to be vulnerable and ugh…. made me feel real feelings. You took me to the edge and made me trust myself. You hurt the most important person to me but in return brought us to an even higher place of love, acceptance, companionship, trust, vulnerability, reality, friendship, desire, and connection that is so strong there is no time or space that could separate it.
A year of transformation physically, emotionally, and spiritually. A powerful time that taught us joy, humor, and love. This last week reminded me yet again you can never get too comfortable but you can evolve.
Change – it may be scary but don’t run away from it, where there is darkness, uncertainty and fear there is also trust, silver linings, light and hope. 2022 will be a year of just being authentic. I’m enough. I am not perfect. I’m so imperfect and that is okay. I fail all the damn time. My native language involves the f word, I am not always the perfect mom, I’m tired. But I am willing to learn and change. Don’t ask me how I am unless you really want to know.
2021 you brought a really unexpected pregnancy- to months of waiting and tests to find out Lee had prostate cancer, to my own breast biopsy, to a pregnancy that brought with it anaphylaxis- ideopathic, tachycardia, blood pressure and blood sugar issues, so many other things wrong with no explanation, months of specialists and tests to try to determine why my body was not working. Diagnosis, cancer surgery and recovery for Lee, almost losing my father and the struggles mental health diagnosis bring- including your own medication turning against you.
Having to see that my husband REALLY did have cancer every frigging time I opened social media, the tv, everywhere. Fight or flight wanting to hide us all from the world and shelter with then ones I love most, but learning to be vulnerable in sharing his and our story and seeing how many lives were touched, changed and even saved. The end of this year with horrible medical care and the real reality of almost losing the man who is literally my heart and soul. But also watching my family grow. The most perfect baby born to us. A true angel from above. A great uniter. One who brings us all closer. The happiest little joy. Having ALL of my kids back home close by. One more extended time. How close our family has become. Moves, senior year, kindergarten, births, sickness, health, promotions, jobs, Struggle… so much struggle. In the end the greatest love. I am So fucking lucky.
I will continue my journey forward. Being just who I am. Take me or leave me. But, I’m surrounded by the most amazing 8 kids on Earth. And the most incredible, loving, giving, yummy man on Earth.
Good bye 2021.
May we reap the rewards of 2022. To health, to happiness, to trusting yourself and growing in all ways…. Set those boundaries and let go of the desire to please others. Who gives a shit what they think of you!
Cheers to you 2022!!!!!!