Patience
Let’s talk patience.
I have kids of all ages with varying degrees of patience... I’m not really talking about that... telling my 5 year old to be patient while we drive or my 14 year old to be patient with my 8 year old while explaining something is not exactly what I mean...
With each situation that comes our way we all have varying degrees of patience.
Working on being intentional means working on that patience within ourselves. Again, not pass the potato I’m hungry or please hurry I’m losing my patience asking over and over. This kind is different.
I’m talking when we are faced with anxiety, fear, lack of control of a situation.
Our family has faced so many medical challenges in the last few years. Some we have gone through super publicly, some more quietly within the close knit circle and some just family.
Practicing this intentional- mindful- live in the moment -life amidst THESE challenges- this is what I’m talking about here.
As someone with life long anxiety, I think the more control I have over a situation, the easier it is to handle. I use the example of medical challenges because 1) Most of us face one or another big one in this life. Either ourselves or someone we love even more than ourselves. 2) There is not much YOU can control. There is deep anxiety and so much fear.
I have come to realize I cannot control the outcome of any of life’s true trauma, challenges, difficulties ect. And THAT is painstakingly hard.
I can beg for God to make it okay. I can ask for everyone to pray, stand in the gap, cross everything, light a candle, hold space. (And all of these things do make one feel better). I can do all of the right things: eat right, exercise, look up every alternate therapy, call my witch doctor, listen to every medical professional’s opinion but ultimately I still have no control over the outcome.
This. This is the kind of patience I struggle with. The waiting. The unknowns. The worst case. The best case. Johnny’s cousin’s uncle’s father’s outcome. This is the kind of patience I fail at.
My husband is amazing. He deals solely in reality. He takes it as it comes. He doesn’t get overwhelmed (usually) and when an answer is given he makes choices based on the actual reality of that situation. I, on the other hand, have to know every single piece of information I can in the waiting. Every what if has a plan. Every scenario is thought of. Which one is better? Haha. Probably his.
I will say, my way ultimately lead us to the correct treatments for Con. But I will probably lose more of my life in the what if worrying then he will. 🙏🏼
No life is a straight path. We are not given a GPS. You may have periods of straight path living. Happiness, joy, no worries, no struggle, just life. And then that call comes on a Tuesday at 4:08 (any random time) and boom. Life changes in an instant. No going back. Shock, grief, pain, anxiety, no patience - but have to wait for another answer- time slows- heart shatters, life cannot go on. But it does. Even if you’re just existing in the life around you. And path continues, the shock wears off, the pain of that event is there, maybe trauma, PTSD, it’s changed you but you grow, you get up you live your life and the path gets straighter again.
We all have those times, right?
That’s when being mindful and intentional and having patience might just mean waking up and taking another breath.
It’s not about never falling apart. Have your meltdown. Lose yourself for a moment in time. Cry. Scream even. But get back up. Ground yourself in reality.
Give that waiting over. Give that anxiety in that very moment in time over. That’s intentional living. It’s not perfect. Because 2 hours later you might have that same feeling back. Have your moment. Don’t give it power. Audibly tell it you have power over it. And get back up.
That is the intentional patience. It’s a practice. Believe me I’ll come back and read this for my own benefit 😉. Have patience with YOURSELF 🙏🏼