Aren't we accustomed to having a plan and when things do not go according to that plan we then call said thing, "bad", "right", "wrong", "horrible". Immediately when something happens we do not want to happen we are hostile and reluctant to accept it. It is not wrong to feel this way. We did not want things to go this way, we had a totally different plan in our heads, we made different plans for our life ect. It comes from a place that is hurting or confused or even lost or feels off track. We ask ourselves why. We feel stuck. We might get angry, cry, retreat, become more anxious. We suffer. These feelings are totally normal. If it is a major change in plans or major life event we have the right to grieve. It is not being negative. It is a natural reaction. Some handle disappointments better than others. Some have more of a 'go with the flow' personality even in the bad. That is okay too!!
BUT after the initial shock and you start to come to terms with whatever event has happened we have to get to the point of acceptance. It does not mean we have to like it. But if it IS and we continue to resit it's truth we are only wasting our days and causing ourselves to suffer. It does not mean embrace it with open arms, though you may get to that place.
When we get to a place of accepting things as they are (meaning we cannot change or control the outcome) we start to suffer less and find joy in the moment. Living in the moment. Not giving up our days (for which we are never promised) for suffering.
Being mindful next time this happens might save more grief.
Next time you find this happening (it happens to everyone... from something small to major life altering circumstances)-
*Be self aware. Recognize that something is painful. Listen to your thought process. Let yourself feel it... the 'why me', 'why us', 'this is not supposed to be happening', 'this is not the plan'. Grieve. Cry, it can be therapeutic. Talk to someone trusted. If it is something involving a child or partner, talk with them as well. Communication is key! If it something involving someone else (family, close friend, ect) check in with them but do not force them to talk and always think about your choice of words before you speak. Sometimes well meaning words are actually hurtful or minimize the situation... usually because we are trying to be kind... If it is someone who is not close to you let them know you are thinking of them.
*Work on living in the moment. Accepting something as real does not mean you have to like it. If you have had past trauma you sometimes hit fight or flight mode. As I discussed in a previous posting - I feel like that is where my need for a plan of action for every outcome of a potential situation comes from. If x is going to happen and there are various possible outcomes and I plan for each one, I have control. Except I do not. Not really. Something I have personally been working on especially in 2020 and now in 2021 is this. I will research something and know what potential outcomes are just because I want to make the most informed decisions I can, but I cannot plan for each one- there are so many variables. AND no situation is the same, right? Two people could be going through the same things and you may have an idea of what to expect, but your own factors do not make it the exact same. SO as hard as it is (and I am a CONSTANT work in progress, and yes I fail at this all the time, I get back up and try again. ALSO being mindful of the physical feelings we have - sadness, despair, anxiety, uncomfortableness. Sometimes feeling them in the moment and then acknowledging them, then allowing them to pass on is healing in and of itself. You are recognizing you cannot control the situation, you are allowing yourself to feel in the moment and then you can even audibly remind yourself you are here in the moment. That just means ground yourself in reality.
* If you have a bad day don't punish yourself. Love yourself. AND COMMUNICATE do not shut down. That is not always easy. ESPECIALLY if you are used to internalizing and not expressing your feelings. Get back up and try again.
ALSO tomorrow starts Spring! What a perfect time to usher in growth of your own self! It is kind of spiritual when you think about it. Spring Equinox is a time when Earth returns to balance. Equal parts day and night and dark and light. It can make you feel more balanced as well. It is such a great time to consciously work on our own balance. If you live in a cold area like I do, it is a time of watching everything come alive again. Green grass grows, leaf buds form, flowers start to sprout, birds are chirping, everyone comes out of hibernation. You are watching nature wake up and inside of you this happens in almost the same way. It is a time of new growth, adventure, hope, excitement, rebirth... This is how I like to think of this time of year. It is a great reminder that each season of life may bring something we want or don't want. BUT how you embrace it makes a difference. Maybe the warmer days and sun shining on your face makes you feel more alive, reminds to you to live in the moment. Embrace the day. Enjoy the present- the day is a gift.
Maybe this time will inspire you to try new things. Start a new project. Work on yourself. Many people make these decisions for new years... a resolution or change they want to make... often those are forgotten or not accomplished. I like to think of this time as that... if you started something or had intention of making positive changes sometimes it is actually easier when the seasons change... and spring is that time... it comes just before summer. It gives us time to reflect before the summer rush... think about what seeds you want to plant and harvest in yourself. This is the very time last year everyone in the world had their life change. The world shut down. Lives completely changed.
This is the time last year when I decided to make as many positive changes as I could for my life. Body, Mind and Soul! So glad I did it! Always a work in progress!
What makes you most happy this time of year?
How does this blog make you feel?? Believe me, when I write, I am not saying I am an expert in anything. I have been avoiding writing for a reason 🤦♀️🤣. AND I write these as much for me as for anyone else.
Every day is a new day. <3